At this point, we were pretty "warmed up". They kept delaying his arrival until the last second, when we had almost exhausted our "woo!" supply. But when he came running out, our "woo"s reappeared. There was great applause as Dr. Stephen T. Colbert D.F.A. AKA Myron Reducto AKA Phil Ken Sebben AKA Prof. Impossible AKA Chuck Noblet AKA Stephen Colbert entered the room. He immediately got to the Q_A, asking if we had anything to ask him before he went on to say horrible things.

The first question-poser asked him to appear as a guest speaker for some kind of teacher's convention. He asked where it was, she responded "Fort Worth, Texas" and he immediately said "Noooooo...." He seemed reluctant to put the show on pause in order to attend (understandibly) and I doubt the red state thing helped much.

I didn't hear the second question, but some aspect of it reminded Stephen of a song, of which he sang a few bars. It sounded like some kind of country song, but I wasn't familiar with it. Whatever it was, he did a good job. He's got some decent pipes on him.

The third question was from a nervous young woman who prefaced her question with "This is a really nerdy question, but..." We'll see about that, Brent and I seemed to vow. She went on to first ask what he was reading these days. I think he responded with "Franny and Zooey" by Salinger. He really seemed to love this book, so I might have to check it out. The young woman concluded by asking to shake Stephen's hand, which he did, warmly and without ceremony, saying that it was nice to meet her.

I believe that I was the fourth person to ask a question. While I believe I did the actual asking, for the record let it be known that the question was a combination of the efforts of Brent Hirose, and we both stood up while the question was asked. Stephen pointed slightly to the right of me, which made me think he was choosing someone else, so there was an initial moment of confusion. Eventually, however, I managed to ask: "Stephen, my friend and I understand that you used to play Dungeons and Dragons. We would therefore like to know the best way to roll a natural twenty on a twenty-sided die." He responded immediately with the Answer, which Brent and I promised to keep secret, then said:

"Did you guys have that thing where if you roll double zero, you get to roll again to see if you do more damage?"

We responded, sure, that's a critical hit.

"Right! I once had an 18th level paladin get killed by a goblin because of a critical hit."

We expressed sympathy, of course.

"You know, I met Gary Gygax," he boasted.

We looked briefly jealous and he scornfully stated: "Deal with it!"

He then apologized to the rest of the audience for this little tangent, certain that very few of them would understand what he was talking about.

Then he said "I was at GenCon 10! I took part in the very first aerial combat rules for Dungeons and Dragons!"

After this, he managed to tear himself away from the subject and move on to the next topic.

I was reeling at this point, as I'm sure Brent was. It felt like we were just in a segment on the Colbert Report, on a topic of our own choosing. This little encounter really "made" my trip to New York and has left me feeling pretty good since.

A little bonus note: After the questions finished up, Stephen took his place at The Desk. Here, he performed a few warm-up moves, like slicking back his hair, lining up his eyebrows, that kind of thing. The last move he pulled, however, was miming rolling a die, then acting very pleased with the result. He then pointed to Brent and I as we cheered. Good times.

Next post, I'll tell you what the actual show was like.

I have returned to the north side of the border. The trip took all night, and I was supposed to keep the driver, Ray, awake. I think I drifted off a couple of times, but I was mostly paying attention to the Robert Ludlum novel that was playing on the stereo. Anyway, back to the Colbert thing.

We waited for a while, and eventually it became clear that there was a group of five people in the regular line who were having a problem. The person for whom the reservation was under wasn't there yet. They were taken out of the regular line and told that they would be put back once reservation-guy showed up. Time started ticking, and it became clear that if reservation-guy didn't show up, Brent and I would be let in (with another three people from the stand-by line). They tried calling him, and kept insisting that he hurry. The guy with the slipboard finally asked us for our ID and we were in the regular line. Interestingly, the five kept calling reservation-guy, telling him to hurry up or they wouldn't be let in. I guess the Colbert people didn't tell them it was a lost cause.

There was a metal-detector, so we had to get all of our metal ready. I actually had a crapload of change (after buying stamps from a machine and getting 17 American loonies. I'm calling these Sacajaweyas, but maybe that's not what they're called. I hate that the Americans haven't taken to using these things more regularly. One dollar bills are ridiculous). We went through the metal detector and stood around like anxious cattle in a small waiting area. We were slowly let into the Colbert set. We were among the last in.

We stepped trhough the large double doors into the holy land. The big "C"-shaped desk stood proudly. The wall of mementos, including pictures of House, M.D. and Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. The most striking item was a recently-acquired vibranium relic. Stephen had just been bequeathed Steve Rogers's most precious item: Captain America's shield. We made our way to the right side of the audience, providing us with a fine view of the interview area, but a so-so view of the desk. I sat on the stairs and Brent sat in the last of the chairs. I didn't mind, though I felt pretty short.

A stand-up comic came out to warm us all up. He was pretty darned funny, especially considering the largely-improvised nature of his material, commenting on members of the audience and asking questions. He also told us about a couple of Colbert moments during previous Q+As. One time, a black member of the audience stood up and asked him "Are you my daddy?", to which he immediately responded "Khareem?". Funny stuff. We also got to see the Eagle's Nest, where Stephen Jr. will be staying should he ever wish to return from British Columbia (though why anyone would want to leave Canada is beyond me).

Finally, the man himself appeared. More on that in my next post.

The Big Cheesecake

This is my first international post. I'm currently in New York City. I arrived more than a week ago, to perform in the Frigid Festival. Our show, "G-Men Defectives", is doing fairly well. We received a positive review over at nytheatre.com, so be sure to check that out.

My adventures in New York have been pretty awesome. I checked out Times Square about a dozen times. There, I saw a musical called "Avenue Q". Pretty darned skippy. Lots of puppets cussing up a storm. Ray and I also checked out Central Park, walking through some of the paths and checking out the huge bronze statues of literary figures. We also saw the perimeter of the Central Park Zoo (where seals were visable), but we didn't pay to check out the good stuff. I saw the outside of the Met, but was told that since it's Monday, it's closed. Obviously Monday equals closed.

I also checked out the flagship Macy's store, which was pretty boring for me, but I'm sure would have been interesting for someone who enjoyed shopping for clothes and perfume. I visited Midtown comics, where I tried to achieve my dream of meeting Spider-Man, but all I found was a statue. I visited Rockefeller Center(er), but didn't bump into Tina Fey. No Christopher Walken in sight, either.

Having failed to meet my heroes, I was hesitant when it was suggested that we try to get stand-by tickets for "The Colbert Report". Our group, including Ray and my new buddies Brent and Anne, arrived at the Colbert Report building around 2:45PM. We had the first spot in the stand-by line, so we amused ourselves by discussing comics and playing "This One Time" (a new game we invented, where you think of an actor, then shares memories of movies you've been in. The next player shares another memory until you run out of movies). We also talked about Omega Flight, the new Canadian Marvel superteam that contains a very small number of Canadians and, for some reason, Beta Ray Bill. Anyway, the stand-by ticket line became longer as time went on. Eventually we realized that only some of us might get in, so we decided to use my recently-purchased twenty sided die to determine the order of entry. I think I came in second-land, so I may need to give my new die a cleansing. When the time came, we were informed that no stand-by tickets would be given out, but we were thanked for our time. I got a little quiet. Not quite sulky, but quiet.
The next day, Brent and I resolved to get in. We waited in line, again very early and again first in line. Brent decided to forecast our chances with a die-roll, tossing off a natural twenty on Fifty Fourth street. The waiting game began again. We saw the regular ticket-holder line become longer and longer. A group of regular ticket holders from Pennsylvania chatted us up for a while (one wearing a "Bears: Number One Threat to America" t-shirt. They sympathized with our failure yesterday and wished us luck.
But was luck truly on our side...? Find out on my next post.

Eighth is Enough

Hello... I'm getting ready to settle down with a fine bottle of Coke Zero. I had been told that there would be no new "30 Rock" tonight, but apparently I was in error. There's some good stuff happenin' on the TV and I don't want to miss it.

There was a really good episode (funny, too) of "Lost" last night, so I'll try to post a summary when I get a chance. I've been spending some time getting ready for my Third Wall audition. By "getting ready", I mean reading the script out loud a few times, trying to get a feel for the language. I thought about having a section prepared to perform, but since I wouldn't be able to dedicate the time I would to a standard monologue, I feel this would create higher expectations than I would like.

I have recently determined that I am probably eighth choice for most male roles in Ottawa. I don't know if people who know my work would consider the number eight to be egotistical or modest, but I think it's accurate. This positioning is based on a neutral, age-appropriate, "physical characteristics are unimportant" assumption. If they need a hairy guy or a tall guy, I move up a few notches, if they need a bodybuilder or a dancer I move down a few notches. As I may have posted previously, they're doing it gender-blind, so that can either work to my advantage or against it. On one hand, I might have a shot at an inginue role (which would, naturally, be a first) or maybe a sassy matron. On the other hand, the hoards of very fine Ottawa female actors (like some of my very favourites; your Lorettos, your MacDonalds, etc) would have a shot at the roles I would be typically be going for. Mixed bag, baby.

New York is shaping up nicely. I'm definitely planning to check out the Rockerfeller Center (or, as we call it in Canada: "Rockrefellre Centre"). Ray and I are adding a little spice to our show, to make sure it has the metropolitan edge it needs for the Big Apple. Ray's having a little "See Ya Suckers" Soiree to mark our departure. If you found this blog and want to come, I'm sure we can arrange an invite.

On another, more awesome note: My lady and I are celebrating our 39th Monthiversary. She's far away in Africa, but I still wish her much success and love (and frog-repelling energy).