Because Matthew Domville is Worth Talking About

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 01:14:00 +0000

I thought I'd try to post quickly using my new iTouch. Fancy that. It's pretty nifty, but I wish I had a neighbour with WiFi.

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 00:26:00 +0000

Oy!

I noticed that some time has passed since my last post, so I figured I'd type down a little something-something. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say I have a blog if I only use it bi-annually.

(Exactly) Four months ago I got a job with TV Media Inc in Orleans. I am a TV Listings Editor, which sounds pretty darned impressive. I write up TV listings for various publications (as you might have guessed), and I have my own little cubicle/computer/bulletin board. I'm living the office job dream I never knew I had.

Anyhoo. Around the time I got the job, I moved in with my Significant Other. This has been an excellent experience overall (but, like most excellent things, not without its challenges). I have returned to my habit of overusing brackets. Ah well.

Theatre-wise, I've been inactive. I haven't auditioned, written or directed anything since my Parks Canada job over the summer. The TV Media thing has been eating up most of my energy.

Actually, technically I wrote "something", but it was more in the roleplaying camp than the theatre camp, so I don't count that.

My birthday is coming up on the 26th, vast audience that reads this. I'll be turning 25, so don't forget to buy me a card.

Matthew

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Sun, 24 Jun 2007 13:47:00 +0000

WHY IS RAY BESHRAH ON THE FLOOR?

BECAUSE HE JUST FOUND OUT THAT "BOOKWORM" WON "BEST IN VENUE"

Woot!

This means there is a BONUS SHOW on Sunday, September 24th at 9:30PM at Arts Court Theatre. Come see the show everybody's talkin' about.

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Sat, 16 Jun 2007 14:24:00 +0000

OPENING NIGHT WAS A BLAST!

Look at these two happy actors. They are still thrilled about our reception for "Bookworm" (at Arts Court Theatre, 2 Daly Avenue) on Opening Night. Even though it was at 11PM, we still had a fantastic audience that was really responsive. Thanks to everyone that came! Tell your friends! Perhaps pork products and footgear should be mentioned... but keep that on the downlow.

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Sat, 09 Jun 2007 11:49:00 +0000

YOU'RE STARS, EVERY ONE OF YA

Here's another publicity picture from Garkin Productions's "Bookworm". Here we see the unflappable duo of Ray Besharah and Amanda Klaman as Al and Lorrie.

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 00:43:00 +0000

HOW CAN YOU SAY "NO" TO THESE FACES?

Heya!

Here's a tasty preview shot from "Bookworm", premiering at the Ottawa Fringe Festival

I'm writing and directing it, and it stars Ray Besharah and Amanda Klaman.
Amanda's currently in the Ottawa Stilt Union production of "Beowulf" and Ray can be seen mostly naked doing Eddie May Murder Mysteries.

The show is a comedy and it's got a good chunk of schtick, so be sure and check it out.

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Sat, 19 May 2007 15:10:00 +0000

UPDATE VOID

There has been a lack of updates, as of late. A million apologies.

First, the promised, though somewhat shortened, account of the "Colbert" taping. The first part, where he does rapid fire jokes about the evening's topics ("TONIGHT...") was very amusing, especially since he seemed to be on the verge of collapse as he spoke. The WORD was also excellent. As a couple of points during the taping, he lost his place on the prompter, causing him to sheepishly admit "I fucked up...". Then he conferred with the stage manager, figuring out where he should restart taping. Things were apparently going fine until "the pills started kicking in". When the audience laughed at that joke, he said "Don't humour me! I'm not humouring you! It's tit for tat!". They decided to take the taping from a camera switch, during which time he was taping his papers on the desk. It's funny because he was cracking up at they started taping again, so I can only assume that the broadcasted show had Stephen delivering a story, changing cameras, then suddenly and for no reason cracking up. I should have downloaded it to see what it looked like.

One of the main stories was a Sport Report (remember, that's pronouned "Spore Repore) on the subject of College Basketball. Apparently that's what Americans mean when they say "March Madness". I honestly had no idea up until this point. Despite my unfamiliarity, it was pretty darned funny. Such is the power of Colbert.

The interview was with a mountain climber. In keeping with the theme, Stephen "climbed" his way to the interview area. Besides the interview itself, I can't really dish any dirt. I can tell you that the stage manager guy has little cards that tell Stephen how much time he has left, so consider the lid of that bombshell to be blown off.

At the end of the show, Stephen thanked us for coming and we were herded back into the hard streets of NYC. On the way out, I tried to roll my twenty-sider on "The Desk:, but one of the security guards stopped me. Fair enough. I wouldn't want polyhedron marks on my desk if the situation were reversed.

Now, it is May, and I have returned to working at Parks Canada. We've got some new members of "The Maple Sugar Gang" and they are all of a friendly sort.

Also, I'm writing and directing a Fringe play for Garkin Productions called "Bookworm". The show features Amanda Klaman and Ray Besharah and it will be at Arts Court (the good venue, not the Library... UNNECESSARY BURN on the Library).

It's a comedy and it's funny. Everything I ever wanted from a show. There will be tasty updates on the rehearsal process as things move forward. I think I'll bring my camera to today's rehearsal, so maybe I'll put some pictures up here.

Other news: I didn't get cast in "She Stoops to Conquer", but lots of cool cats did. This includes Eddie May buddy Zach Counsil, all-around cool guy Scott Goldman and Ottawa treasure Paul Rainville. Third Wall has also announced their new season. They've got "Top Girls", "Empire Builders" and "Tartuffe" on the chopping block. I'm not the world's biggest Churchill fan, so I'll probably give "Top Girls" a miss. "Empire Builders" will be directed by Joel Beddows, so I will definitely see that one. "Tartuffe" is being translated by David Whiteley and directed by James Richardson. Good combo.

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 23:13:00 +0000

At this point, we were pretty "warmed up". They kept delaying his arrival until the last second, when we had almost exhausted our "woo!" supply. But when he came running out, our "woo"s reappeared. There was great applause as Dr. Stephen T. Colbert D.F.A. AKA Myron Reducto AKA Phil Ken Sebben AKA Prof. Impossible AKA Chuck Noblet AKA Stephen Colbert entered the room. He immediately got to the Q_A, asking if we had anything to ask him before he went on to say horrible things.

The first question-poser asked him to appear as a guest speaker for some kind of teacher's convention. He asked where it was, she responded "Fort Worth, Texas" and he immediately said "Noooooo...." He seemed reluctant to put the show on pause in order to attend (understandibly) and I doubt the red state thing helped much.

I didn't hear the second question, but some aspect of it reminded Stephen of a song, of which he sang a few bars. It sounded like some kind of country song, but I wasn't familiar with it. Whatever it was, he did a good job. He's got some decent pipes on him.

The third question was from a nervous young woman who prefaced her question with "This is a really nerdy question, but..." We'll see about that, Brent and I seemed to vow. She went on to first ask what he was reading these days. I think he responded with "Franny and Zooey" by Salinger. He really seemed to love this book, so I might have to check it out. The young woman concluded by asking to shake Stephen's hand, which he did, warmly and without ceremony, saying that it was nice to meet her.

I believe that I was the fourth person to ask a question. While I believe I did the actual asking, for the record let it be known that the question was a combination of the efforts of Brent Hirose, and we both stood up while the question was asked. Stephen pointed slightly to the right of me, which made me think he was choosing someone else, so there was an initial moment of confusion. Eventually, however, I managed to ask: "Stephen, my friend and I understand that you used to play Dungeons and Dragons. We would therefore like to know the best way to roll a natural twenty on a twenty-sided die." He responded immediately with the Answer, which Brent and I promised to keep secret, then said:

"Did you guys have that thing where if you roll double zero, you get to roll again to see if you do more damage?"

We responded, sure, that's a critical hit.

"Right! I once had an 18th level paladin get killed by a goblin because of a critical hit."

We expressed sympathy, of course.

"You know, I met Gary Gygax," he boasted.

We looked briefly jealous and he scornfully stated: "Deal with it!"

He then apologized to the rest of the audience for this little tangent, certain that very few of them would understand what he was talking about.

Then he said "I was at GenCon 10! I took part in the very first aerial combat rules for Dungeons and Dragons!"

After this, he managed to tear himself away from the subject and move on to the next topic.

I was reeling at this point, as I'm sure Brent was. It felt like we were just in a segment on the Colbert Report, on a topic of our own choosing. This little encounter really "made" my trip to New York and has left me feeling pretty good since.

A little bonus note: After the questions finished up, Stephen took his place at The Desk. Here, he performed a few warm-up moves, like slicking back his hair, lining up his eyebrows, that kind of thing. The last move he pulled, however, was miming rolling a die, then acting very pleased with the result. He then pointed to Brent and I as we cheered. Good times.

Next post, I'll tell you what the actual show was like.

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 18:12:00 +0000

I have returned to the north side of the border. The trip took all night, and I was supposed to keep the driver, Ray, awake. I think I drifted off a couple of times, but I was mostly paying attention to the Robert Ludlum novel that was playing on the stereo. Anyway, back to the Colbert thing.

We waited for a while, and eventually it became clear that there was a group of five people in the regular line who were having a problem. The person for whom the reservation was under wasn't there yet. They were taken out of the regular line and told that they would be put back once reservation-guy showed up. Time started ticking, and it became clear that if reservation-guy didn't show up, Brent and I would be let in (with another three people from the stand-by line). They tried calling him, and kept insisting that he hurry. The guy with the slipboard finally asked us for our ID and we were in the regular line. Interestingly, the five kept calling reservation-guy, telling him to hurry up or they wouldn't be let in. I guess the Colbert people didn't tell them it was a lost cause.

There was a metal-detector, so we had to get all of our metal ready. I actually had a crapload of change (after buying stamps from a machine and getting 17 American loonies. I'm calling these Sacajaweyas, but maybe that's not what they're called. I hate that the Americans haven't taken to using these things more regularly. One dollar bills are ridiculous). We went through the metal detector and stood around like anxious cattle in a small waiting area. We were slowly let into the Colbert set. We were among the last in.

We stepped trhough the large double doors into the holy land. The big "C"-shaped desk stood proudly. The wall of mementos, including pictures of House, M.D. and Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. The most striking item was a recently-acquired vibranium relic. Stephen had just been bequeathed Steve Rogers's most precious item: Captain America's shield. We made our way to the right side of the audience, providing us with a fine view of the interview area, but a so-so view of the desk. I sat on the stairs and Brent sat in the last of the chairs. I didn't mind, though I felt pretty short.

A stand-up comic came out to warm us all up. He was pretty darned funny, especially considering the largely-improvised nature of his material, commenting on members of the audience and asking questions. He also told us about a couple of Colbert moments during previous Q+As. One time, a black member of the audience stood up and asked him "Are you my daddy?", to which he immediately responded "Khareem?". Funny stuff. We also got to see the Eagle's Nest, where Stephen Jr. will be staying should he ever wish to return from British Columbia (though why anyone would want to leave Canada is beyond me).

Finally, the man himself appeared. More on that in my next post.

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Sat, 17 Mar 2007 16:15:00 +0000

The Big Cheesecake

This is my first international post. I'm currently in New York City. I arrived more than a week ago, to perform in the Frigid Festival. Our show, "G-Men Defectives", is doing fairly well. We received a positive review over at nytheatre.com, so be sure to check that out.

My adventures in New York have been pretty awesome. I checked out Times Square about a dozen times. There, I saw a musical called "Avenue Q". Pretty darned skippy. Lots of puppets cussing up a storm. Ray and I also checked out Central Park, walking through some of the paths and checking out the huge bronze statues of literary figures. We also saw the perimeter of the Central Park Zoo (where seals were visable), but we didn't pay to check out the good stuff. I saw the outside of the Met, but was told that since it's Monday, it's closed. Obviously Monday equals closed.

I also checked out the flagship Macy's store, which was pretty boring for me, but I'm sure would have been interesting for someone who enjoyed shopping for clothes and perfume. I visited Midtown comics, where I tried to achieve my dream of meeting Spider-Man, but all I found was a statue. I visited Rockefeller Center(er), but didn't bump into Tina Fey. No Christopher Walken in sight, either.

Having failed to meet my heroes, I was hesitant when it was suggested that we try to get stand-by tickets for "The Colbert Report". Our group, including Ray and my new buddies Brent and Anne, arrived at the Colbert Report building around 2:45PM. We had the first spot in the stand-by line, so we amused ourselves by discussing comics and playing "This One Time" (a new game we invented, where you think of an actor, then shares memories of movies you've been in. The next player shares another memory until you run out of movies). We also talked about Omega Flight, the new Canadian Marvel superteam that contains a very small number of Canadians and, for some reason, Beta Ray Bill. Anyway, the stand-by ticket line became longer as time went on. Eventually we realized that only some of us might get in, so we decided to use my recently-purchased twenty sided die to determine the order of entry. I think I came in second-land, so I may need to give my new die a cleansing. When the time came, we were informed that no stand-by tickets would be given out, but we were thanked for our time. I got a little quiet. Not quite sulky, but quiet.
The next day, Brent and I resolved to get in. We waited in line, again very early and again first in line. Brent decided to forecast our chances with a die-roll, tossing off a natural twenty on Fifty Fourth street. The waiting game began again. We saw the regular ticket-holder line become longer and longer. A group of regular ticket holders from Pennsylvania chatted us up for a while (one wearing a "Bears: Number One Threat to America" t-shirt. They sympathized with our failure yesterday and wished us luck.
But was luck truly on our side...? Find out on my next post.

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 00:13:00 +0000

Eighth is Enough

Hello... I'm getting ready to settle down with a fine bottle of Coke Zero. I had been told that there would be no new "30 Rock" tonight, but apparently I was in error. There's some good stuff happenin' on the TV and I don't want to miss it.

There was a really good episode (funny, too) of "Lost" last night, so I'll try to post a summary when I get a chance. I've been spending some time getting ready for my Third Wall audition. By "getting ready", I mean reading the script out loud a few times, trying to get a feel for the language. I thought about having a section prepared to perform, but since I wouldn't be able to dedicate the time I would to a standard monologue, I feel this would create higher expectations than I would like.

I have recently determined that I am probably eighth choice for most male roles in Ottawa. I don't know if people who know my work would consider the number eight to be egotistical or modest, but I think it's accurate. This positioning is based on a neutral, age-appropriate, "physical characteristics are unimportant" assumption. If they need a hairy guy or a tall guy, I move up a few notches, if they need a bodybuilder or a dancer I move down a few notches. As I may have posted previously, they're doing it gender-blind, so that can either work to my advantage or against it. On one hand, I might have a shot at an inginue role (which would, naturally, be a first) or maybe a sassy matron. On the other hand, the hoards of very fine Ottawa female actors (like some of my very favourites; your Lorettos, your MacDonalds, etc) would have a shot at the roles I would be typically be going for. Mixed bag, baby.

New York is shaping up nicely. I'm definitely planning to check out the Rockerfeller Center (or, as we call it in Canada: "Rockrefellre Centre"). Ray and I are adding a little spice to our show, to make sure it has the metropolitan edge it needs for the Big Apple. Ray's having a little "See Ya Suckers" Soiree to mark our departure. If you found this blog and want to come, I'm sure we can arrange an invite.

On another, more awesome note: My lady and I are celebrating our 39th Monthiversary. She's far away in Africa, but I still wish her much success and love (and frog-repelling energy).

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Sun, 25 Feb 2007 19:20:00 +0000

Zzzzz

Heya Hoya. I didn't get much sleep last night. I'm not sure why. i think some part of my body has decided that thew new cue for sleepy-time is the rising sun. This doesn't really work for me, as I usually have plans during the day, and scheduling plans for 3Am is something of a hassle.

I spent most of yesterday working on a show for Parks Canada. We were missing a couple of actors, so I needed to do my Colonel By scene with our commander-in-chief, John Muggleton. This event was more than just a scene, though. We were attending a 1830s theme night, and we were part of the entertainment. I wound up getting asked many questions about the construction of the Rideau Canal, perhaps half of which I answered correctly. There was also food, though, so that was a very fine motivator. Overall, we did a good job, I believe.

On Thursday, there was an excellent episode of "The Office" entitled "Cocktails". This one was directed by J.J. Abrams, the guy who was responsible for "Alias" and co-created "Lost". I thought it was one of the better episodes of the season.

The main plot concerns a soiree being held by the CFO of Dunder-Mifflin. Michael is excited about it, because he and Jan have decided to go public with their relationship. Jim is going with Karen, but really really doesn't want to go. "I don't like to discuss paper outside of work (mumbles) or at work". Dwight is riding along with Michael.

The "B" story concerns the rest of the office-mates, who are meeting up in a bar. Pam has decided to become more assertive, so when Roy says that he wants to get hammered with his brother instead, she puts her foot down. She also says "I'm going to start telling people what I want, directly. So, look out, world, 'cause... old Pammy is getting what she wants. And... don't call me "Pammy!" At the bar, it's revealed that Kevin has set a date with his lady, but when pressed for details he testily says "It's complicated, and I would appreciate some space on this." Annoyed Kevin is funny. After Pam mentions how cute it is, Toby spends much of the evening trying to win a stuffed animal from a claw machine.

Outside the party, Jan has the following to say to the camera: "I am taking a calculated risk. What’s the upside, I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love, babies, normalcy, no more self-loathing. Downside, I, uh date Michael Scott publicly, and collapse in on myself like a dying star. Why is this so hard?....That’s what she said. Oh my god. What am I saying?"

At the party, Michael is, true to form, making an ass of himself. He uses every opportunity to mention that he and Jan are "lovers", to the point of making everyone uncomfortable. Karen is making Jim uncomfortable by pointing out the various people in the party with whom she had a previous relationship. Finally, Dwight is making everyone uncomfortable by asking questions about the house (square footage, construction, value, etc), eventually deciding to investigate for himself. At one point, the scene shows him waiting on a chair as a child wakes up in his bed. As soon as the kid's awake, Dwight starts asking more questions about the house. When the kids says "I don't know" too many times, Dwight derisively comments "What "do" you know?"
After one too many of Michael's awkward conversations, Jan excuses them away from the others, apparently to chastise him. She then, surprsiingly, starts making out with him, against his complaints. She wants him to slam her against a wall, but he resists repeatedly. When he says "You're acting inappropriately", she becomes frustrated and leaves.

At the bar, Pam has decided to clear the air with Roy. She decides that if the relationship is going to get a fresh start, she needs to tell him about the Jim-kiss. After everyone else has left, she tells him about it. He goes ballistic, yelling at her, then throwing his drink at the bar mirror. This part was pretty shocking. He and his brother start tearing up the bar while Pam quickly leaves and says "This is over."

At the party, Michael is frightened of Jan, Jim finds out he has been pranked by Karen (she hasn't been in relationships with any of these people) and Dwight concludes that the house is sound, and thus it was a good party. The trip home in Michael's car is similar to the cliche of parents making up after a fight at a party, with Dwight playing the child's role, Jan playing the
apologetic father, and Michael playing the slighted mother. It was actually a pretty good scene.

The quick scene after the credits had Roy declaring to his brother that he was going to kill Jim Halpert. Nice little cliffhanger there.

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Wed, 21 Feb 2007 03:28:00 +0000

Nothing of Note

Not much happening this week. I'm trying to work on some Fringe ideas. Ray and I should be putting up something special come June. I'm also very psyched about our "International Tour", which is our fancy way of saying we're going to New York and coming back. We've added some stuff to the show, so if you liked it in Ottawa, you should see it again in the States and enjoy the following extra material:

5 minutes of bonus footage
Cast commentary
Gag reel

Not bad, eh? I found out that Third Wall is having auditions for "She Stoops to Conquer". I'm a fan of the script, the director (Todd Duckworth) and the company (Third Wall), so I'm definitely going to give it a shot. Apparently they're casting gender-blind, so it should be an interesting show, at any rate. Anyway, tonight I played a little poker at my brother's house. I came in second, but I learned a little bit about how to play the game effectively.

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Sun, 18 Feb 2007 05:05:00 +0000

A Special Get Well Soon

Don't be sick, Spoon. Heal up!

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Sun, 18 Feb 2007 03:09:00 +0000

This Post is Short

I spent today doing a little work with my mom and my bro. The actual work was pretty short and easy; move furniture x into room y without hitting wall z. Simple enough. Afterwards, there was Boston Pizza, which I always enjoy.

I am in a "missing my lady" place right now, but hopefully this will pass.

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 03:39:00 +0000

Frickin' Cold

It's cold outside. Very very cold. I tried to do a little shopping today, but the cold made things very difficult. Travelling to the store was alright, because I could keep my hands in my pockets. On the way back, though, I had bags to carry. I had to do the alternating pockets thing, but it was for naught. The point is, cold is bad, but hot is worse.

I bought some swimming trunks at Giant Tiger recently. Suffice to say, they didn't really work out. While they technically fit, it was impossible to move one's legs properly. Maybe I'll post a picture of the ridiculousness of this garment.

"The Office" was directed by Joss Whedon tonight. It was one of the better episodes of the season. Essentially, a few things are happening:

* A bat has been discovered in the office. Jim and Karen pretend that Jim is turning into a vampire in front of Dwight. Dwight and Creed, meanwhile, have formed a bat-strike team.
* Michael has been asked to speak in front of Ryan's business class. Ryan has reported to the class that Dunder Mifflin is a struggling business, and is likely to die out within ten years.
* Pam is having work featured at an art show, and is hoping for as much support as possible.

The bat plot is mainly played for physical laughs. Kelly and Meredith get the worst of it, the latter having her head trapped in a garbage bag ALONG WITH THE BAT. Freaked her out quite a bit. Jim and Karen doing little "vampire revelation scenes" was also excellent ("That bread is WHITE HOT", "No Jim, this garlic bread is cool").
Michael is eager to embrace is role as teacher. He brings props, a soundtrack, but unfortunately no useful information. The questions take on a darker edge, peppering Michael with realistic talk of paper becoming obsolete. Michael defends his business, but stiffens up when it is revealed that Ryan believes that the business is dying, as well. On the ride home, Michael tells Ryan to clean out his office.
Pam’s show: Roy comes, bringing his brother with him. He tactlessly points out (eager to make himself look good) that no one from work came. Eventually, he leaves with his brother. He points out, however, that he looked at everything, and that Pam’s “art was the most beautiful art there.” Later, she overhears Oscar’s boyfriend insulting her work, calling it “department store art.” She’s not feeling great.

Ryan is trying to apologize, but Michael is having none of it. He asks Michael to reconsider firing him, but Michael clarifies that he’s “in the people business, (he) doesn’t fire people, (he) hires people.” Ryan is moving to a desk near Accounting, next to Kelly.
Pam is wandering the art show sadly, about to take down her work. Soon, Michael bursts in, apologizing for being late. He compliments Pam’s work, taking particular notice of a picture of the outside of the Dunder Mifflin offices. He immediately offers to buy it, declaring without typical Scott theatricality that he wants to hang it in the office. Pam hugs him immediately.

The last scene involved Michael hanging the picture in the office. He says that it’s important, timeless and excellent, and that it wouldn’t exist without paper.

The epilogue consists of Kelly being hyperactive and thrilled that Ryan is working next to her, further affirming that Michael may be smarter than he lets on.

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 18:55:00 +0000

St-Valentine's Day!

Just a quick message to say that I love my spoon.
This ice sculpture contains both a heart and penguins, thus it symbolizes our love (though our love has a longer life expectancy than the sculpture).

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 04:46:00 +0000

The More TV I Watch, The Angrier I Get

OK, first off: "Norbit" is at the top of the North American box office. Eddie Murphy goes back to the fat-suit well. I'm sorry, I meant "Academy Award Nominee" Eddie Murphy. My bad. Speaking of which, the Oscars are coming up on February the 25th. I'll be continuing my annual tradition of visiting a couple of fine friends of mine (and their daughter and dog) . I will predict the winners incorrectly, as I always do (save for last year's "Crash" upset).

Annoying television sexism: "A recent study has shown that the thoughts of the male brain are divided as follows: 50% Beer, 49$ Professional Wrestling and 1% Remembering Valentine's Day."

Hoo Boy! They sure have my gender pegged! There's nothing I like better than a cold brewski while I watch WWE on February 14th. Good times, good times. All thanks to my Y chromosome.

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 23:43:00 +0000

The Penguin Theme Continued

I spent some time today checking out the Winterlude sights. Unfortunately, the weather was a little nippier than I like, so I didn't spend very long outtside. I took some pictures of the more interesting ice sculptures. The constnat yearly appearance of mermaids confuses me. The winter/cold/Canada theme makes sense, but why the heck is there always at least one mermaid ice sculpture? I think this reveals volumes about the cultural impact Starbucks has had on us.

Ottawa Fringe 2007 is still in the planning stages. My contribution is going to be something special, I assure you.

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Sun, 11 Feb 2007 22:44:00 +0000

Why on Earth Would I Choose to Watch This?

"According to Jim" is on TV right now. I may have found the only thing on TV more offensive and repugnant than reality television. Cliche and sexism are found in abundance. Some fun facts from today's episode of "According to Jim":
Women like: Dresses, patterns and dining sets.
Men like: "The game", conspiring against their wives, etc.
In today's episode, Courtney Thorne-Smith promises her wedding dress to a friend of the couple's that is getting married. She doesn't know, however, that the dress was destroyed fifteen years ago when Jim forgot to get it preserved (it perished in a fire). The whole episode is about fat Jim and his fatter friend (presumably to make Jim seem less fat) tricking the two women into fighting, so that the new bride won't want Courtney's old dress.
The worst part is, Jim gets away with it! He freaking destroyed something that meant a lot to Courtney, lied about it, then pretended to care so much about the dress that he couldn't let someone other than Courtney wear it. I don't even think this was supposed to be ironic or satirical. I think the viewer is actually expected to side with Jim...
I'm getting sick of the pendulum swinging back on lead male roles on family sitcoms. The father figure used to be competant, wise and in charge. Naturally, this was a stereotype, but it represented the times. Now, we've gone too far in the other direction. Your Homer Simpsons, your Ray Barones, etc. Lame. Our patriarchs are idiots, to compensate for perpetuating the housewife idea on the other side of the gender border.

Anyhoo. Eventually I'll defeat sexism.

I had a tasty brunch with my lady-friend's family today. I intended to take some pictures, so I cleverly charged my battery, then left it in the charger when I headed out.

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Sun, 11 Feb 2007 04:24:00 +0000

The Meat-Cutting is Supervised by an Outside Agent

I enjoyed a tasty meal made by my brother (fajitas!) and arranged by my mom. She was busy painting her room and my brother was watching the Montreal/Ottawa hockey game. He, a diehard Habs fan, was disappointed with the results (5 to 3 Ottawa, as I recall). In the above picture, he's carefully cutting the meat for our meal. Hooper, meanwhile, is searching for an opportunity (which, sadly, never presented itself).

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 20:57:00 +0000

I Watched Me Some Tee Vee

Alright. I got to see some pretty excellent television recently, so I thought I'd recap a little of it for you. First, "Lost", which I had to download (actually, my roommate downloaded it, then gave it to me) because I was running my D+D game.

The episode starts with Juliet on the beach. She goes inside, passes Ethan Rom, then enters a room with a woman on a bed. It is established that they are sisters, and that Juliet is giving her injections, though both are worried that "he" will find out about them. Juliet then opens the window, revealing that they are in Miami (not on THE ISLAND).

Back to the present. Jack is holding Ben's kidneys captive in order to secure Kate and Sawyer's release. Juliet seems uninterested in this crap, and decides to call Jack's bluff by ordering the captives brought in. Switch to Kate and Sawyer, who have managed to overpower their captors. Sawyer decides to headbutt one of them into the electronic food button repeatedly, giving him a nice shock. Very effective and amusing. On the run, they encounter Alex (Rousseau's kid) who tells them she has a boat but will require their help in rescuing her boyfriend, Carl. There's always a catch, isn't there?

Flashbacks again: Juliet is stealing something from the fertility research company she works for. Extra awkward is the fact that her boss is her ex-husband (and he's seeing some new chick, who managed to sleep her way into a research position), plus he's an ass. He finds out about her experiments with her sister (which are related to fertility, unsurprisingly) and leans on her to hook him up with the credit/profits. Later, she is approached by a smooth-talking representative of a Portland research facility (at which point it is revealed that she successfully managed to impregnate a male mouse, though it didn't carry to term). He's very eager to have her sign up, but she knows she can't leave her ex-husband's employ. "Is there any way?", he presses, but she tearfully explains the only way would be if he was hit by a bus. "By a bus", she said, foreshadowingly.

Back in the ER (the one on the show, not the drama series that just won't die on NBC), Ben has woken up. Apparently, Jack's not so good with the anaesthetics. He requests a private moment with Juliet, which Jack grants begrudgingly. After this private moment, Juliet is all-too-eager to help Kate and Sawyer escape.

Speakin' a which. Kate, Sawyer and Alex have to pull a Star Wars wookie-prisoner trick (and, to their credit, they cite their sources) to rescue Carl from the oft-referenced scene in Clockwork Orange. You know, the chair that pulls open your eyes, then they show weird movies... That whole schtick. One of the henchmen catches up with them later, eager to get some killin' in. But he's shot down by Juliet, who allows everyone but Alex to leave. This last part is because Alex's father, Ben (BIG REVEAL), would never allow her to go.

In flashback land, Juliet finds out that her sister is pregnant, making her experiment successful (I was expected a "her sister's a dude" twist at the end, but it never came to be). She tells this news to ex-husband-ass (oh, look a bus in the distance) who is thrilled by the implications (do I hear a bus?) but still wants his cut. Then he gets hit by a bus. He's dead, and in the morgue, no less, Juliet is re-approached by Portland guy, this time with Ethan Rom in tow. Despite her misgivings ("But I said I wanted him to get hit by a bus..." "Did you? I didn't even hear that..."), she agrees to take the job. At this point, it is revealed that the job is "Not in Portland" (hence the title).

Jack finishes up with Ben, takin' care of that nasty ol' tumour. Afterwards, he asks what Ben told her that convinced her to help him. Tearfully, he confesses that if she helped, Ben would let her go home.

Which I thought was a good ending.

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 02:54:00 +0000

Brief post: I was just watching one of my favourite TV shows, "30 Rock", and Rachel Dratch's character this episode (she plays a new one every second episode or so) kept saying "Happy Valentime's".
Tina Fey understands how wretched this mispronunciation is.

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 22:39:00 +0000

The Lemonade Goes on a Trip

How do? I spent last night running my Dungeons and Dragons game. The heroes were sent by a whiny teenager to deliver a love letter to a mysterious singer in the nearby swamp. The heroes begrudgingly accepted this assignment, and therein lay the fun.

Immediately after the game, I had a short shift at Shopper's Drug Mart. It was simple enough. There was no new product, so our job was to bring stuff from the back of the store to the front of the store. Not exactly rocket science. The only downside was the very long walk through wind and snow that occured after the shift. Damn the bus. Damn it.

Today, I was planning to do some laundry and clean up my room a bit, but I got a call from Blockbuster. Apprently, I returned "24" to the wrong Blockbuster location. They asked that I pick it up and bring it to the correct location, otherwise they would have to charge me a hundred and ten dollars for the series. It's at times like these that I realize how completely the public transit system has failed us. It took me over three hours and four bus tickets to get to one Blockbuster, pick up the DVDs, make my way to another Blockbuster, then come home. This made me a sad panda. And again I curse the Bus Gods.

Yesterday, I purchased a 12-pack of sparkling lemonade for 99 cents at the Loblaws (this purchase was alluded to in yesterday's title), and now one of the cans is posing in front of the cemetary that flanked one of the many bus stops of today's trip.

noreply@blogger.com (Matthew) — Wed, 07 Feb 2007 21:04:00 +0000

This Lemonade Was a Real Bargain

Here I am again, typing away like a monkey. I had a chance to converse with my lady through an instant messenger program. This was a welcome relief, but my attempts to call her have met with failure (busy signal, fooey). She's dealing with a crapload of problems, both environmental and biological, so I wish her strength and endurance.

Aside from the convo with my African princess, I spent today performing various chores. Among these included picking up some food. This food was slightly healthier than my usual fare, including whole wheat bread and bananas. The bananas were the closest thing to dessert I bought, as well, so kudos to me for avoiding the ever-tempting oatmeal-raisin cookies. How I wish I was eating one now... Yum. I also entered a contest for a free movie-and-dinner thing on Valentine's Day. If I win, I'm taking my stuffed penguin (mentioned previously) on a night on the town and sending the pictures to Tanzania. Finally, I returned the third season of "24" to my local Blockbuster (which is actually a lengthy bus ride away).